Posted by Ginchb
Have you ever been in one of those situations? The kind that you have to trust God to take care of you and get you through the insanity that is being presented to you? The kind that you could literally never get through on your own, even on your best day?
I have. In fact, I’m in the middle of one of those situations right now.
This year is only barely halfway through, and yet this year has been filled with so many moments I didn’t see coming. I never thought I would be paying for grad school out of pocket. Sure, I knew if I needed to get my Master’s degree then I would have to pay for it; I just assumed I would pay it back, not pay it up front. And let me just tell you, this one thing has caused so much stress and strain, but it has also tested my faith.
Don’t get me wrong! I’m beyond blessed to have made it through an entire year of graduate school with zero debt from it. Literally only the Lord could be responsible for how He has orchestrated that. Literally. Only the Lord. And I praise Him every day for helping me get this far.
I never thought I would be planning a wedding during a long distance engagement, while I was in grad school. Now, I know this was all my idea and I’m the dumb one who did this to myself. I take FULL responsibility. Well, half. I’ll take half of the responsibility. I’ll put the other half on Brandon. …Poor guy… Anyway, that has a whole other set of craziness that I will not delve into at the moment.
I never thought I would be living more than just paycheck to paycheck. I don’t even currently make enough to support the expenses I have right now. Not to mention that the Lord has called me to step down from one of my jobs, so I will have even less money coming in each month. Yes, this is kind of my fault, but I think it’s more God’s plan than anything else.
I never thought I would be letting go of so many things I held dear…
Remember how I said that the Lord told me to step down from one of my current jobs? Yeah… In my head, that wasn’t supposed to happen until I moved and got married and all that jazz in May of 2018. However, as I have often found in life, God had a different plan.
So, here I am.
Tomorrow is technically my last Sunday on staff at the most incredible little church. I loved being a part of this church family even before they somehow decided that I was the person they wanted to work with their kids. After I took the job as children’s ministry director, my life changed forever. Literally.
Each child in that ministry is like one of my own. They have taught me and continue to teach me so much more than I ever knew I needed to know. They showed me such unconditional love, such agape love. They accepted me so fully and allowed me to be a part of their lives. They have a piece of my heart and I pray that I did right by them. I pray that they saw me as a servant and vessel of the Lord, not as a woman seeking praise or favor. I pray that they learned something and felt God’s love in a way that they will never forget. I pray that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are valuable, chosen, loved, and prayed for extensively. I hope I was able to light up their world just a little bit with the love of Christ. I just hope they know that they are loved so thoroughly by so many different people and by a God who died to know their name and carry their burdens.
I hope… I pray…
I have been thoroughly blessed by the people in my church. They have supported me when I literally had no clue what in the world I was doing. They encouraged me when all I could see were my flaws and failures. They have kept me positive when all I knew was the negative. They are literally the best people on the planet. I thank God for them every single time I remember them. I know the Lord put them in my life to help me not only survive, but thrive in my growth and experience while working with the kids in my church. I couldn’t have done it without them. And that’s the honest truth. Thank you for everything.
The number of people who volunteered time and time again to help me serve the kids is astounding. All of the volunteers I worked with had a heart of gold and the love of Christ shining from within them. They have served beautifully and relentlessly. They blessed me beyond anything I had ever known. Children’s ministry isn’t for everyone, but those who serve the little ones are such a blessing. They have taught me so much about loving on God’s precious little children. Thank you for your time and heart. I pray the Lord blesses your socks off!
My friends and family who have supported me through each and every crazy, insane, chaotic step of this journey… You. Are. Phenomenal. Thank you for not giving up on me and walking away from my waves of negativity or tornadoes of chaos. Thank you for supporting me and showing me nothing but love. Thank you for talking me down when I was so riled up. Thank you for your endless prayers and countless texts and phone calls. You have blessed my socks off. (Literally! I don’t have any socks on right now! You blessed them right off!!)
I don’t even know where to begin with the prayer bunnies… Literally. There are NO WORDS that could ever express my gratitude and love for each of you ladies. Knowing that you are always there, ready with a prayer for me when I need it most as well as when I forget just how much I need it. I pray the Lord blesses you beyond all measure. I know each of you has so many crowns awaiting you in Heaven. I also know that you will relinquish every single one of them before the throne of the Father, even as you have done on this earth. You have turned every blessing that He has poured out on you into the sweetest incense of praise. May the Lord drop prayer bombs of blessings on each of you.
Now, to the absolutely phenomenal and incredible woman who is taking my place. You’ve got this. The kids will accept you and love you with more love than you ever thought you could receive. They will welcome you with open arms and they will teach you things you never knew you didn’t know. You will be incredible. Seriously. Don’t freak out. You’re more qualified for this job than I am! God used me and blessed me for the time He wanted me there, but it’s your turn now. God will use you so fully if you allow Him to (and I know you will). The kids will test you and they will drive you insane sometimes, but you know that. But let me just say, the insanity and chaos is nothing compared to the love and joy and even peace you will find while ministering to those sweet kids. You’re awesome and you’ve got this because God’s got you and He is putting you in this place for His good, pleasing, and perfect will. And you know I’m not going anywhere yet!
The Lord has been so good and blessed me through all of the insanity I’ve faced throughout my life. I know He will be with me during this next year and the year after that and the year after that. I know He will be right beside me and before me and behind me. I know He will help me plan my wedding and pay for grad school. I know He will walk me across the stage at graduation and down the aisle at my wedding. I know He will place me exactly where He wants me for my clinical fellowship year. I know He will help us choose our first home and help us organize our things within that home. I know He will help us love one another through the first difficult year of marriage and every other crazy year after that. I know He will give me the perfect job with great coworkers. I know He will be there every single step of the way.
I can hear the Lord now: “I’ve helped you through so much in the past. I’ve shown you My love. I’ve taught you My ways. You’ve never been in need before. Why in the world would I stop providing now? Why don’t you just trust Me. I’ve got this.”
I know God is using this insanity to help me see things more clearly. Being perfected, molded, and purified aren’t pretty and they are also pretty painful. However, with that in mind, it is necessary to go through the refiner’s fire if I wish to be used by the Lord. So, into the fire I go. Knowing the Lord walks before me and beside me and behind me, each step of the journey.
So here I am. Trusting God to provide all of my needs.
Thank you all for your prayers, supports, and intercessions. I feel them more and more each day. You are all incredible and I pray the Lord heaps blessings upon each of you.